Beans

I had been apprehensive about Christmas.
My favourite festive song (Fairytale of New York of course) just evoked the feeling of static charge from the storm that was threatening to break over this period last year.
And I don't expect the divvying up of important family dates, namely Isobel's first Christmas followed by her first birthday (on consecutive weekends when she would normally be staying with us) to go smoothly.
But last week that feeling changed.
Isobel stayed with us again after almost four weeks' gap.
She was wearing a fleecy Snowman bodysuit grandma bought her and looked and felt like a cuddly little teddy bear.
"I'm a real girl!" Matt squeaked in a cute Pinocchio reference when I lifted her and cuddled her all up.

She's running around in the same suit today, and we'll go out in the snow later in her reindeer hat and booties.
All is back to normal.
Matt and I have had yesterday's leftover Yorkshire puddings and gravy for breakfast and Isobel has found a box amid the mayhem on the living room floor to play in.
Which gives me a few more minutes to continue my story...

After the weekend that changed everything, I cooled things with Matt.
We spoke and texted as if nothing had changed, but I realised I was getting in too deep, felt hurt and decided to spend my time instead having a giggle with Nick. He was silly and fun and safe because he was leaving the country in a few months to study as a mature student in Spain.

But a few weeks later Matt wanted to visit. It was one of his friends' birthdays and he wanted me to go with him.
I've never really known how to say no to him.

I had told Nick I might be able to meet him after work, but hadn't said for definite. So I let Matt in and started to get ready to go out.
Nick was furious. He'd waited all day for confirmation from me. He'd got stuck with his housemate's awful family instead of taking up a better offer from friends because he was waiting for me to pop round.
He called while we were getting ready to go out. He wanted to come and pick up his oversized jumper I had borrowed but no longer deserved to wear.

I threw a paddy at Matt. "We're going to be late and then you'll blame it on me. It's always my fault when we're late!"
Actually it's usually his because he pounces on me when I'm getting dressed up and it tends to ruffle me up more than it does him.
"Go! Shower. Now. Hurry. Up!"
Matt, shocked, obeyed, ten seconds before Nick rang the doorbell.

I didn't care if Matt heard but didn't want to hurt Nick more than necessary. I gave him back his jumper and he scolded me for being selfish, then left.

My housemate Gemma, who was watching the soap opera unfold from the living room sofa with her boyfriend, quoted from a Confucius calendar she had on her desk at work.
"If you don't like beans, you shouldn't have opened the tin." Her arm was outstretched for me to gulp from her glass of red.

Matt didn't hear Nick come round, but later that night, he found condoms hidden down the side of my bed.
We didn't sleep together that night. He sulked and pushed me away. "I thought we were more than that," he told me.
I told him he had double standards and he agreed.

Two days later, I got a text of two horrifying words: "Lizzie's pregnant".
I told him I was very happy for them.